


The Regular

by ForxGood



Category: Galavant (TV), Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: F/F, Modern AU, War is an utterly useless lesbian, and Famine likes to meddle, coffee shop AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:06:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22092277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForxGood/pseuds/ForxGood
Summary: War has had a crush on a regular in Famine's coffee shop Chow for months now, but hasn't made a move yet. Famine, who declares himself a 'Good Friend', decides to meddle to speed things along. Shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Madalena (Galavant)/War (Good Omens)
Kudos: 4





	The Regular

**Author's Note:**

> The usual spiel on how this is all purely self-indulgent, and I'm still looking for the focus to write a full-length multi-chapter fic for them. Come motivate me; I'm @ForxGood on Twitter.

Monday, 8:30AM.

Any normal person would hate this time of day, with the start of the work week being upon them after a long, relaxing weekend. But not Carmine Zinderberg (‘War’ to friends). She actually looked forward to the early mornings, as she stirred her tea and pretended she wasn’t looking at the door of the coffee shop.

Chow might be an odd name for a coffee shop, but Carmine was a loyal patron nonetheless. Her friend, Raven Sable - whom she called ‘Famine’ - owned the place, and that meant the redhead journalist got decent discounts on her morning caffeine fix. 

But that wasn’t the reason she was frequenting this place as often as she was lately.

That reason had just walked through the door, her long brown hair shining in the morning sun. War didn’t know who she was, and had only seen her go in, pick up her coffee order (Iced americano, sugar free caramel syrup, triple shot because she’s not a coward) and then leave again. Even when busy, she was rarely in there for more than 5 minutes, somehow always managing to cut in line.

Or maybe Famine knew she was coming at this point, and had the coffee prepared beforehand to reduce War’s staring time. It could be either.

“Are you ever going to ask for her number?”

Famine appeared behind her to clear off her table, knowing his friend never stayed long once she’d caught a glimpse of her coffee shop crush. War flipped him off in response, purposely taking extra long to finish the rest of her tea - even if it was stone cold by now.

“I don’t even know her name. And _you_ won’t tell me.”

“You’re a grown woman. You can ask your own girls out.” Famine shot back, taking the cup from War’s hand and shooing her out of her chair. “Now go. This table needs to be used by actual paying customers.”

War grumbled something about Famine still charging her plenty, but relented, grabbing her coat and swinging her bag over her shoulder. “You know, one day I’ll stop coming here, and then where will you be without my patronage.”

“However will I survive without the $2 you spend on tea every day.” Famine rolled his eyes in response. “Besides, as long as your latest crush is still a regular, you’re not going anywhere.”

War, who knew he was right but didn’t want to admit that, just flipped him off again, ignoring her friend’s laughter as she headed to work.

********

You could call Famine a lot of things. A good businessman is one of them. A pain in the ass is another, if War is to be believed. But a bad friend would definitely never make that list. Which is why he had not informed War that occasionally, her coffee shop crush showed up outside of morning hours. Famine knew that if he told his friend her crush also showed up on irregular intervals in the afternoons, she’d never get any work done; especially as every time, the brunette seemed to scan the establishment for something, and looked more grumpy than usual when she didn’t find what she was looking for.

(Or, as Famine suspected, _who_ she was looking for).

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t make this work in his - and their - favour. Again, he may be an asshole, but he was still a decent friend. And it just so happened that War had to be having another lull at work, as she was texting Famine about her habit of pining over the pretty brunette again. For all War’s attitude and work-ethic, she was still an utterly useless lesbian at times.

Which presented Famine with a genius, albeit slightly unethical, opportunity.

Putting his phone on the counter he turned to Madalena, who was looking less than pleased at having to wait for her service. He hadn’t missed the way the brunette had quickly scanned the establishment, undoubtedly for the presence of a certain redhead friend of his.

“My apologies, there is something I have to take care of in the back. I’ll be with you in a moment.” And before Madalena could protest - which she most definitely had been about to - he had vanished to the back room.

Madalena could only cross her arms with a huff. Part of her considered going to a different coffee place, but she’d gotten used to the quality this place provided. And she sure as hell wasn’t going back to deal with Isabella without the extra caffeine in her system.

Just as she was about to yell at Famine to hurry up, she heard the phone ping on the counter. Reasoning that if he hadn’t wanted people to snoop he wouldn’t have left his phone out, Madalena grabbed it, looking at whatever notification he’d just gotten.

 **War** **_,_ ** _14:53  
_ _I swear to shit Famine she is just so hot._

 **War** **_,_ ** _14:54  
_ _Not to be gay but she could top me._

 **War** **_,_ ** _14:56  
_ _I bet she’d be good at it. She looks bossy, but in a good way. And those legs in those heels._

Curiosity piqued, Madalena unlocked the barista’s phone, which was suspiciously not password or fingerprint protected. Deciding the barista was just an idiot, she opened the texts from ‘War’, scrolling through a few of them and realizing with delight that whoever War was, she was most definitely talking about _her_. Glancing around quickly to see if there was any sign of the barista coming back - there wasn’t, Famine knew how to take his time when needed - she tapped the contact info for ‘War’.

In the contact photo, she easily recognized the woman who was another regular at this place. Madalena had noted her interest and had wondered if the redhead was ever going to make a move, or if maybe she had to do it herself. It’s part of why she came by this place at more irregular hours; maybe she’d catch the stranger outside of the morning rush.

But it seemed such tricks weren’t necessary. Just as she was mulling that over, the phone pinged again; another text from War.

 **War** **_,_ ** _15:03  
_ _I know you’re reading these, asshole, have some sympathy!_

Madalena laughed, and with one last glance at the door Famine had disappeared through typed out a reply.

 **Famine** **_,_ ** _15:04  
_ _You sure talk about her a lot for someone who doesn’t even know her name._

The reply was almost immediate.

 **War** **_,_ ** _15:04  
_ _That’s because you won’t TELL ME, dick_

 **War** **_,_ ** _15:05  
_ _You are the most useless friend ever, why are you the only one who understands my struggle_

Madalena grinned, her fingers flying over the keyboard as she typed another reply.

 **Famine** **_,_ ** _15:07  
_ _Her name is Madalena. She’s an editor at that fashion magazine a block over. This is her number: ###-####-###._

 **War** **_,_ ** _15:08  
_ _Of COURSE she’s a fucking fashion editor, she looks like a fucking model_

 **War** **_,_ ** _15:09  
_ _… Wait, that was oddly nice of you._

 **War** **_,_ ** _15:09  
_ _What’s the catch_

Madalena couldn’t help but laugh, taking a quick selfie and sending it War’s way.

 **Famine** **_,_ ** _15:11  
_ _Image.JPG_

 **Famine** **_,_ ** _15:11  
_ _Your friend left his phone out. You know it’s rude to talk about people behind their back_

 **Famine** **_,_ ** _15:12  
_ _Next time maybe ask me out in person, Red ;)_

Just then, Famine came out of the back room, not at all looking surprised to see Madalena holding his phone. The brunette just handed it back to him, a very satisfied smile on her face.

“I take it she’s freaking out right now?” Madalena asked over the sound of text notifications streaming in one after the other.

Famine just shrugged, going about making the brunette’s coffee as his phone went from sounding text notifications to a full-on ringtone; undoubtedly War calling.

“She can wait. I’ve put up with enough of her shit lately.”

Madalena grinned in response. “Well, she’s hot at least.” She countered, taking the coffee and leaving without paying. Famine decided he’d let that slide just this once; War still hadn’t stopped calling him, and he really wanted to deal with that first before the redhead stormed into his shop. There were a few too many sharp objects around for him to feel entirely safe with that concept.

“FAMINE, WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Madalena let out a loud laugh as she heard the familiar voice from the speakers of Famine’s phone, loud enough for even her to hear on the other end of the establishment.

********

Turns out, War _did_ show up at Chow ready to tear Famine apart. His smug attitude and claims that at least now War could _text_ her crush did little to dissuade her, until he sat her down on one of the comfy arm chairs and told her that Madalena didn’t look like the patient type, and War better not make her wait.

Grumbling, War took out her phone at that, and sent a short text to Madalena. If anyone asked, she’d claim she wasn’t nervous. Then again, anyone who asked could also see she was a liar.

 **War** **_,_ ** _16:34  
_ _Hi._

“Hi?” Famine, who had been looking over her shoulder, smacked War over the back of the head. “That’s your genius opening line? ‘Hi’?!”

“Well, what do you suggest I write? ‘Hi, thanks for letting my friend trick you into giving me your number.’?”

Famine just sighed, shaking his head as he got up. “Nope, I’m done. I’m out. I tried to help you, but you’re beyond help. Go mess this up on your own.”

War threw her half-eaten muffin at his retreating form, glaring as he went, until she was distracted by her phone again.

 **+###-####-###** **_,_ ** _16:38  
_ _Hi? Not a woman of many words, are you, Red?_

 **+###-####-###** **_,_ ** _16:39  
_ _Or is it just me making you nervous? I remember you having quite a few words to say about me to your friend ;)_

War groaned despite her smile. Excited as she was to have Madalena text her, she was still a little embarrassed at the texts she may or may not have read on Famine’s phone.

 **War** **_,_ ** _16:41  
_ _Can we just pretend you never saw those texts?_

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _16:44  
_ _Not a chance._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _16:45  
_ _They’re way too good for my ego._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _16:47  
_ _Hey, do you think you could get your friend to screencap those for me?_

 **War** **_,_ ** _16:49  
_ _I’m afraid Famine is indisposed for the time being, as I murdered him this afternoon._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _16:50  
_ _Aww, but then who’s going to make me coffee in the morning?_

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _16:52  
_ _I’d ask you, but you’re at Chow’s every morning so I doubt you have a functioning coffee machine at home._

War, who had just taken a sip from the tea Famine had been kind enough to leave behind, choked on her drink. Was Madalena seriously implying…

 **War** **_,_ ** _16:57  
_ _I don’t drink coffee._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _16:59  
_ _That better not have been your main takeaway from that message, Red._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _17:00  
_ _Or do you need me to actively spell it out for you_

 **War** **_,_ ** _17:01  
_ _Friday at 7?_

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _17:03  
_ _Someplace stylish, I don’t like flowers, and you better not be late._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _17:04  
_ _I gotta run; the level of incompetence here is staggering._

 **War** **_,_ ** _17:04  
_ _Good luck._

 **War** **_,_ ** _17:06  
_ _Try not to kill anybody._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _17:07  
_ _Bold words from a woman who committed murder just this afternoon_

 **War** **_,_ ** _17:08  
_ _It was only a small murder; the police will understand._

 **Madalena** **_,_ ** _17:09  
_ _I do not have time to argue about that right now, but rest assured that this conversation is not over_

The redhead laughed, before putting her phone down and let out a slow breath. It appeared Madalena was every bit as bossy as War had expected her to be, and if she was entirely honest, she kind of loved it. There weren’t enough people in this world who were actually forward and straight-up about their intentions. The majority of them liked to hide behind flimsy excuses and justifications, as if that made their actions have any less effect. But Madalena was a woman who knew what she wanted and what to do to get it.

And War was very much into that.

********

Famine wasn’t entirely surprised to hear War had gotten a date out of this whole thing. Even with her disasterous flirting habits, not even she could fuck up a set up this perfect (all thanks to him, if he should say so himself).

What _did_ surprise him was seeing both women in his shop the morning after, giggling about something he couldn’t quite make out. The fact that they were still together was suspicious in and of itself, as none of War’s exes had ever managed to stay the night; especially after the first date. Even more suspicious was the fact that they were actually still kissing - which, ew, gross, that’s his friend he doesn’t need to see that - before the brunette darted off to find them a table.

“So, I take it the date went well?” Judging by how War was still grinning like the idiot he thought she was, Famine didn’t really wait for an answer as he prepared their order. “When I’m invited to the wedding, I’m totally putting my contribution to this relationship in my best man speech.”

“First of all; bold of you to assume you’d be best man even _if_ I ever got married. And second of all, it was just one date.” War replied, counting out her change in dimes and pennies just to annoy him. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“She spent the night.” Famine countered, already glaring at the mountain of coins War was putting on the counter. “And you’re having a coffee date.”

“There’s no coffee machine at my place, and this is on her way to work. It’s just convenient.”

“It’s also Saturday.” Famine deadpanned, pouring a cup of hot water for War’s tea. “Most people don’t work on Saturday.”

War just flipped him off, rummaging in her wallet for some extra pennies to add to the ever-growing pile of coins. Famine sighed, placing War’s order in front of her and deciding it was too early to deal with this bullshit.

“Keep the change, you demon. I’ll just charge you double next time.”

“No you won’t.” War grinned, sticking her tongue out at Famine before heading to where Madalena was sitting. The two of them seemed awfully cosy, moving closer as they talked excitedly about… No, Famine decided he didn’t want to know.

He had to admit though, it was kind of nice seeing his friend this happy. He’d seen War smile before, but it was usually because she was plotting something; usually something that would inconvenience him for the rest of the day. But she seemed genuinely happy as she talked with Madalena, laughing at her jokes and really appearing quite smitten with the other woman. 

Clearing off a nearby table half an hour later, he had the misfortune of hearing a glimpse of their conversation. For some reason, War was joking about certain murder styles, and Famine was about to interrupt them to save War from herself, when he actually heard Madalena _laughing_. Genuinely laughing!

Famine just sighed, shaking his head and deciding he’d probably never understand War’s idea of romance. “I guess we’re all just looking for that one person to share our single brain cell with.” He mused, handing some dishes off to Pollution as he resigned himself to the fate that he would probably be seeing more of War and her new girlfriend.

Yeah, he was definitely writing that best man speech.


End file.
